Loneliness

I have been really feeling lonely lately. I knew it was there, but kept turning my eyes upward and knowing that the Lord has a plan. Last week the tears began to flow pretty constant, even now as I write this and think about loneliness, my eyes are welling up with tears. Just to think about how many people suffer from this everyday and for many years, is enough to break my heart. It is not as if I have no one, many of them literally have no one. I have a wonderful husband, who is just really busy right now trying to keep his head above the water and the tides of this economy and all the changes in our life. I have four beautiful daughters , I am undone thinking about how the Lord has kept them and continues to work in their lives. However, they are growing up. The oldest two are best friends, the youngest two play together. I have a new church with wonderful, warm and caring brothers and sisters. They are all in different seasons of their lives with young children and many of them are several years younger than I. It makes me feel as if I have no one because it seems everyone has someone. I have my dear husband of course but when times are busy like now, it is so hard to connect in a way that really fills me. I am such a people person with such a need to "connect" and I realized today that I am completely missing the many days of fellowship I had in our home before our move. I was a part of a large community and active in many things. Now my days are simple. It was something that I had wanted but had no real idea of how the pangs of loneliness would affect my soul. So much so, that at the first opportunity to "have a party," I really let down my guard. I just operated out of such a desire for fun and fellowship. That could be really dangerous if the Lord didn't keep me and I am so glad He has shown me this place of vulnerability so that I can be on guard. It was a safe place to learn the lesson, and the lesson was easy to remedy. He was faithful to the end as always. Now to lean on Him all the more for this need for fun and fellowship. I wonder if this is just an opportunity to feel for a moment what Jesus felt in the garden when everyone abandoned Him and he needed them to watch and pray. If we remember that we are called to share in the sufferings of Christ, and that trials will come, and that they will purify our faith as gold, then and only then will we look to Christ to be our all sufficient supply. Even though this is just a small taste of suffering, certainly no where near the type of suffering that many of my brothers and sisters around the world are facing. My prayer is that when I am lonely I will remember more deeply those that are truly suffering.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1 2:4

and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. Romans 8:17

But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. 1st peter 4:13